My "Jaw Journey"

I was thinking the other day... for a 27 year old, I have been through a lot... actually for a person, regardless of age, I've been through a lot. I've never really dove into all the details but I think I'm going to start. I need to share my experiences with others so I can encourage and empower people! First off I have to say that my faith and relationship in God has been the majority of my strength. I can't imagine going though it all with no hope or promise of something better.
So lets start at the beginning of my "jaw journey".... Once upon a time... haha
When I was a freshman in college (I had been in school for about a month), my dentist saw a growth on my jaw at a normal routine cleaning visit. I had no idea why she seemed so concerned and started urgently scheduling tests. I didn't even know it was there. Within a week I had a bone biopsy done. Luckily they told me they were pretty sure it was something that would resolve by the time I was 20 and should cause no more issues. The oral surgeon tried to shave down the growth so that it was smaller and less noticeable. It was so painful. I would say its was worse that wisdom teeth removal but I wouldn't know-the Lord blessed me with 0 wisdom teeth. One less surgery for my poor jaw.
Anyway, flash forward 4 years to about a month before our wedding. I kept bleeding every time I ate and it was painful, so back to the oral surgeon I went. We didn't want to do another biopsy before the wedding, so we scheduled one for when we got back from our honeymoon. 2 weeks after the honeymoon I had 1 bone biopsy done, 3 days later they called and said it was inconclusive and needed to do another. So 2 days later they did 2 more biopsies and explained that it could either be 1 of 2 things... The one option was the growth that would stop growing or a more aggressive growth that would need removal. A few days later I received the bad news that it was the aggressive growth. They informed me that is was a cemento ossifying fibroma and its extremely rare (lucky me). I had to have it removed, which meant removal of my jaw bone. So lets set yourself in my shoes for a moment. We hadn't even been married for a month and I found out I am going to have my jaw bone removed from the outside of my neck. scary. life-changing news. If I opted out of the surgery they told me it would keep growing and impair my ability to swallow because of its placement on my lower jaw. The growth was about 7cm x 4cm. pretty large. They had to remove all 4 molars on my right lower jaw in March (we found out in February, married in January). It was so much to deal with. We had just moved to Chicago, gotten married, left our friends and families, Zach had started a new job... I was however extremely thankful that it was not cancer!
My bone had to heal before they could remove the growth so the actual surgery took place in August. It was a 10.5 hour surgery. They removed 1/2 of my lower jaw through the outside of my neck. They replaced the bone with bone from my hip, cadaver bone, and a large titanium plate. I was wired shut for 4 weeks. I lost some of my nerves so I no longer have feeling in 1/2 of my lip, chin, or front teeth. My tongue and motion nerves went undamaged. Although the trauma from surgery caused my motion nerves to not function for about 3 months.
This whole situation changed our lives. I had trouble looking down, lifting, turning side to side, etc. I couldn't drive, do dishes, laundry, read... I still have muscle issues and nerve pain. I am still in physical therapy for chronic pain (over 4 years later).

It has changed Zach and I for the better. It has made us courageous and strong. We are each others support systems. No one else knows what this situation is like and it has drawn us closer together and to God. It truly was a blessing in disguise, because our marriage is better than I ever could have imagined. God has a plan and a purpose.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.                                                               Romans 8:28

dental update

Again, weekly. Someday it will improve but for now this is what I have to offer, apparently.

Dental update: The final molds were made for my partial denture and its not very exciting. I am unable to get a metal denture, so we are trying a Flexi-denture instead. Its a little bit more pliable and is plastic. I won't get into all the details, but its not a great situation to be in. The dentist told me with my current  condition, I still wouldn't be able to chew on the right side of my mouth... probably ever. This is pretty discouraging considering I am only 27 yrs old and I haven't been able to chew using my whole mouth since I was 22. She is hopeful that this will give me some relief in regards to all the pain and issues I have been having since the surgery in 2010. I'm trying to be positive and optimistic... lots of praying.

 that is all I can elaborate on tonight...

Struggles

For those of you that don't know, I was diagnosed with Bipolar II (a more mild form of bipolar) in the summer of 2011. I have been able to cope with it without the use of medication. Mostly because the medications are unsafe during pregnancy and breastfeeding. Everyday is a struggle though. I don't know if I am going to be manic or depressed. I can't remember a day where I was neither. Today was especially hard. My body hit a depressed day, and I'm guessing it's from the die down of all the festivities of the holidays. When this happens- like today- I get in a daze and completely exhausted. No sleep is enough sleep. I am not myself during the depressed days. I feel like its harder to be a mom. I have low patience and I feel so drained of energy. I feel so guilty when I can't give 110% to Lilah. On manic days, I need very little sleep and I always want to do things with her. On those days, it seems very easy to be a mom and a wife. Its just getting through the depressed days or weeks. Luckily, today, Zach was home and was able to help out so much! I really am truly blessed to have such an amazing husband and father of my child!

Daily Struggles

Everyday is different for me. For the past 18months, my life has revolved around pain. My body took two steps backwards in September 2011, when I had to change medications, and ever since then the pain has kept me sedentary. It's been very difficult to look at myself and know that I am not useless. I feel that way sometimes. I cannot study or even read for pleasure!

In January I went and saw a neurosurgeon (he says i have a condition called anesthesia dolorosa) and he told me I had very few options. 1: very radical brain surgery to insert a brain stimulator to decrease the firing of nerves in order to relieve the pain. (not gunna happen) or 2: time. This is the option I am going with but it's really hard! He gave me a projected healing time--> a few more years? I am trying another medication to try and calm the nerves down but so far I haven't had any improvement.

I'm really trying to be positive and see the light at the end of the tunnel but it's definitely a struggle. I've had to put a lot of faith in God to get me through this because I CANNOT do this on my own.

New Year

With a new year usually comes new year's resolutions! This year, Zach (my husband) and I sat down and discussed goals for the new year. Budgeting is the key to it all! We have had a lot of unexpected expenses the past two years of our marriage. (January 9 was our 2yr anniversary! woo!) I had my surgery in August 2010 and then that was followed by a lot of physical therapy, doctor appointments, and medication. all of these have added up and have made saving pretty difficult. In September, I started working out and getting in shape! I have been trying to cut back on physical therapy (PT) as much as possible. (I am only going once a week, 2x when the pain is really bad.) Right now, no progress can be made because I have a lot of nerve damage and PT can only do so much so I am going to a neurosurgeon the end of this month. Hopefully that will fix my pain issues and I can go off my medication! I want to be healthy and medication free THIS year! I am trying to be as proactive as possible.

Back to our new year's plan: I want to start couponing, meal planning, and cutting back on expenses. budget, budget, budget! that's what I need to remember!