Struggles

For those of you that don't know, I was diagnosed with Bipolar II (a more mild form of bipolar) in the summer of 2011. I have been able to cope with it without the use of medication. Mostly because the medications are unsafe during pregnancy and breastfeeding. Everyday is a struggle though. I don't know if I am going to be manic or depressed. I can't remember a day where I was neither. Today was especially hard. My body hit a depressed day, and I'm guessing it's from the die down of all the festivities of the holidays. When this happens- like today- I get in a daze and completely exhausted. No sleep is enough sleep. I am not myself during the depressed days. I feel like its harder to be a mom. I have low patience and I feel so drained of energy. I feel so guilty when I can't give 110% to Lilah. On manic days, I need very little sleep and I always want to do things with her. On those days, it seems very easy to be a mom and a wife. Its just getting through the depressed days or weeks. Luckily, today, Zach was home and was able to help out so much! I really am truly blessed to have such an amazing husband and father of my child!