Dear Lilah: Twelve Months

Dear Lilah,
This has been such an amazing month. We have loved watching you learn, grow, and discover everything around you. You have started walking independently and everywhere, you take laps around the house all day long. You learned to give high fives and blow kissses. You point and touch mommy's finger when I point at you. You can bounce when told, catch and throw ball, you know all done and more in baby sign language. You LOVE to be tickled!!! You love to go up and down stairs! You can get off the couch by yourself, and you try to climb up the couch but still need a boost. You read books all day long! You love your baby doll and give kisses to baby doll. You also love to give baby (you) kisses in mirror and you give kisses when asked (but you can be stingy with those wet kisses). You started stacking rings and taking rings off! You get so excited when you accomplish new things! You started screaming at top of your lungs and started throwing tantrums (mostly when getting diaper/clothes changed). We also got you a straw sippy cup and you like to drink out of that versus the regular sippy cup. We are trying to get you to eat more food! All you eat is blueberries! You have 4 teeth. You are 16lbs 15oz (10%) 27.25in (3%) and your melon is 17.75in (50%). We had your birthday party the Saturday before your birthday in Champaign with most of our family! You got so many fun toys and clothes! You are so loved by everyone around you!! You are so funny, amazing, and easy-going! I love being your mommy and I cannot believe a whole year has past since you came into this world and we became parents!
Love you,
Mommy

Dear Lilah: Eleven Months

Dear Lilah,
Mommy is late this month... We were in San Francisco for your Daddy's 27th birthday and your eleven month "birthday". When we got back, we found out you had an ear infection. So you have not felt good and have been needing mommy much more than you normally do!
You got 2 teeth (upper teeth) this month! So now you have 4 teeth! You moved into 6-9 month clothing!! You weigh 16lbs 6oz and are 27in tall.
We went to San Francisco with Granddaddy and Nonni. You did fantastic on both flights! You didn't cry once!! We found out your favorite movie is Mulan, so we watched that on the tablet G-daddy got you for Christmas. You were absolutely fantastic on the whole trip- you are a born traveler! It was a piece of cake travelling with you and so much fun! You are such a happy, fun loving kid!
You started to point at objects and people; its been pretty helpful in deciphering your language. You sit on your knees and you do the "toddler squat". I find these things so adorable. You are becoming a little toddler for sure. You no longer look like a chubby little baby, not that you were ever chubby, but you are getting thin and lanky! Everyday is more fun! You are amazing and I love watching you grow and blossom into a little girl!

Dear Lilah: Ten Months

Dear Sweet Lilah,
This past month, you have really made your presence known! You enjoy talking/screaming/yelling very loudly to anyone that will listen, or just to yourself... You have no volume control at all. I am hoping you will outgrow this phase :) You started singing along to music by trying to match pitch and "sing the words". Its crazy to watch you try and figure it out. You continue to dance and bounce to music! You are a pro crawler now and decided that you would rather crawl than try and walk... although you can walk! You have walked about 4 ft all by yourself! You wave bye-bye! You get so excited to tell people bye! You had Roseola this past month- lasted about a week and it was not fun! You got your 3rd tooth (top left) on Saturday the 21st! This round of teething has been a bout of torture for you. The good thing that has come out of the teething and Roseola is you now will cuddle sometimes when you nap! I absolutely love the snuggles!! You started scrunching up your nose when you laugh or get upset- its adorable! Daddy and I are working on trying to get you sleeping through night... eventually it will happen!
Christmas is here (mommy is late posting this month's letter) and we are so excited to experience this with you! You love wrapping paper and ribbon so far! Hopefully you like the actual gifts and not just the boxes- Christmas will have to be another post. Its getting very late! We love you so very much! And we love watching your personality blossom! You are such an incredible little girl, I am so blessed to be your mommy!

Love you always,
Mommy

One day at a time.

As I sit here, holding my sleeping child, I start to get frustrated and question my parenting. Should I have let her cry in her crib? Why isn't the Tylenol working? I need to eat lunch and clean the bathroom!! And then I get mad at myself. This day is only going to happen today. My baby is almost a toddler and I won't get a ton of opportunities to just hold her while she sleeps. So what if the bathroom doesn't get cleaned today... Today, Lilah just needs her mommy to hold her so she can nap. It's 1:45p and she has only cat napped for about 15mins since she got up today. It's been a long, miserable day for my little teething punky, but I'm trying to enjoy this day.

I'm so blessed to be at home with her while she's a baby. Being a stay at home mom is very hard work. It's exhausting and so rewarding. It's a 24 hr job, 7 days a week. Breastfeeding is wonderful (now) but it's also a job- and it's still an around the clock job. I've just accepted that I may not sleep a whole night through until she's over a year. And I'm ok with that. I honestly think I am going to miss the 4a feeding. If you know me, you know that I love my sleep. I will sleep 12-14hrs a night if I can. There is just something kind of magical about early morning snuggles in the dark with my baby girl. Just me and her. I look at her and I can't believe how blessed I am to be her mom. I pray for her and our little family while I look down at her sweet, innocent, little face. I try to imagine what the future holds for her... I wish I could take away all of the heartbreak she will encounter and the pain she will feel. I hope that she grows up to be a loving, caring, compassionate, smart, loyal, and genuine woman. And I hope that I can instill some of those characteristics into her. 

Being a parent is such an incredible thing- it can be scary and overwhelming but it's worth every grey hair she may give us. 

Dear Lilah: Nine Months

Dear Lilah,
Oh Pumpkin, this month has been a crazy month of firsts! You started crawling, standing by yourself, cruising all over, and taking solo steps!! You are going to be walking any day! You also started giving BIG, open mouth, slobbery kisses; they are the best!!! You have been pushing the boundaries when it comes to nap-time. Many times this past month you have only been taking one nap in the afternoon. That makes our day long and rough. You also had a stretch of days were you wouldn't sleep night or day. That was very hard. We took you to a pediatric allergist and she did a skin test that showed us you are allergic to milk, eggs, peanuts, and dogs. So far, Zoey doesn't seem to be a problem, so we are just keeping the house clean and her out of your room. I had to go back on a breastfeeding diet to accommodate your allergies which hasn't been too bad! They put you on an allergy medicine for nighttime but I haven't noticed a huge difference so we are in the process of weaning you off of it now. They also gave us an epi pen and told us to keep that and Benedryl with us at all times. We will get a blood test done next summer to find out the severity of your allergies- for now, we are just going to avoid those things!
When we went to the doctor, you were 26.5in tall (12%) and 15lb (5%)! You met all your development markers and are advanced for most of them! You are in 6mo clothing, and I'm thinking you will need to move to 9mo pjs soon bc you are getting "long"!
You are an absolute joy to be around! You love to laugh and be tickled! You LOVE to dance to any music!! You are such an amazing sweetheart and I am so glad I get to be your mama!

Love you always,
Mommy

Dear Lilah: Eight Months

Dear Lilah,
You are a little firecracker! You are so full of energy, love, and happiness! It's such a joy and blessing to be home with you everyday! I wouldn't have it any other way!! This past month, we went to the apple orchard/ pumpkin patch and Auntie Lauren tagged along! You loved the tractor ride and being outside! We went to Champaign and you went to your first tailgate! You were such a trooper and SO happy for everyone! You are either SO happy or miserable. I don't know if you have figured out a happy medium yet. It's definitely an adventure with you everyday. You love to watch other kids! You get so excited- red face, ear to ear grin, and laughter! its amazing :) You are starting to try and "crawl" but its more like an army crawl or a little inch worm. You have also started trying to stand by yourself! you pull yourself up to standing and then let go! I bet you will be walking soon! You use me as a jungle gym and you flop all over me and the couch! little daredevil you are!
We have started giving you whole foods instead of purees because you really like to be in control! You love fruits! You babble to yourself all the time and you get pretty loud! You just wanna be heard! Daddy and I just watch you for hours! You are so entertaining!
You are still in 6/3-6 month clothing. I'm guessing you are around 14.5-15lbs.
You are such an amazing little girl and I cant believe you are going to be a year old soon!
Time has flown by!!

I love you with all my heart!

XOXO,
Mommy

Dear Lilah: Seven Months

Dear Lilah,
Sweet baby girl, this month was a rough one. You had a fever the majority of the month. Right before you turned 7 months, you got a flu bug which turned into an ear infection and we had to put you on an antibiotic. every since then, you have been such an incredibly happy baby girl! You started trying to clap :)
You are trying to move! You are pulling up to stand on everything you can get a hold of! You are chatting up a storm with strings of constants! da, pa, ga, ba, la ... an occasional ma and squeals!! You have been napping much better since we started sleep training! You are still waking up at night around midnight and 4-5a.
You weigh 14lbs but you are a happy healthy baby girl :) just petite! You got your first 2 teeth! the bottom middle ones popped through this month :)

I'm loving all your baby giggles and toothy smiles :) I just can't get enough of you!
Love you, pumpkin!
XOXO,
Mommy

Dear Lilah: Six Months

Dear Lilah,
Oh, sweet girl!! You are a firecracker. You are always 110%, whether you are mad/sad or happy! You never hold back! Sometimes this can be challenging and I am trying to learn what makes you tick still. I try what the books say but
you are far from textbook. We are trying little bits of everything and sadly I think we are going to have to resort to letting you cry it out (in moderation) to help you sleep. You have gotten to the point where you don't sleep enough so you are overtired which leads to more not sleeping. Its a vicious cycle. We have started solids! You LOVE sweet potatoes! You have tried carrots, squash, and bananas as well. You are sitting up all by yourself! You love to bounce and chatter away! We are still breastfeeding and that is going well! You do get distracted very easily... but otherwise we aren't having any issues in that department! Pitch Perfect is your favorite movie, always puts a smile on your face :) Just more evidence that you love music! Goodnight Moon is your favorite bedtime storybook right now!
Mommy passed her Respiratory Therapy boards this month!!! So I am officially an RRT and have started applying for jobs! I am torn about going back to work, but I know it will be good! We will just have to play it by ear and make it work!
You are 13lbs 13.8oz (12%) and 25.5in long. You still fit in 0-3mo clothing but we are mostly in 3-6mo clothes now! Doctor wants us to start solids 2x a day and she wants us to get rid of nighttime feedings (after 12a). You still wake up around 11p and 4a. You begin everyday around 7:30a! You have only been napping 2-3x a day and about 30mins each (most always under 2hrs of naps total).

I love you so much! I cannot believe you are 6mo already! You are such an amazing little girl :)

XOXO
Love, Mommy

Dear Lilah: Five Months

Dear Lilah,
This month has been a crazy one! I feel like you are changing and developing everyday! Each day I'm shocked by the new things you do! This morning you rolled from your back to tummy ALL BY YOURSELF! I was just like, WHAT? It was only last week that you rolled from your belly to back. You are growing up so fast! You are getting better at sitting up on your own, too! If we stand you up and hold your little hands, you try and walk. You definitely have the marching in place down! You LOVE LOVE LOVE music! You will stop whatever you are doing to "dance" and bounce and you get a big smile on your face! Maybe you'll be a dancer or musician? We are still working on a schedule and trying to get you sleeping through the night. You still wake up 1-2x a night to eat. We are also trying to start introducing solids. You are really good at opening your mouth for the spoon and I think you are consuming more than you are spitting out! We've done rice cereal and carrots so far.

Earlier this month, someone brought to my attention a possibility of a tongue or lip tie b/c of your symptoms (arching and screaming while nursing, unable to drink a bottle... it took you 20mins to drink 2 oz from a bottle, unable to stay latched, slow weight gain...). I did some research and it appeared to me that you had an upper lip tie. So I called pediatrician and they told me to make an appt with an ENT. She "examined" you and told me that you looked normal, although your lip did attach pretty low...::eye roll from me:: and if you did have a lip tie, it would in no way effect nursing. So I talked to your dad and we agreed to get a second opinion. I made an appt with Dr. Margolis who specializes in tongue and lip ties. I was so thankful someone listened to me! You had a class 4 upper lip tie (which is the worst) and a class 2 posterior tongue tie. He only recommends revisions for class 3 and 4 so we left your tongue tie, but had your lip tie lasered. The effects were immediate! I nursed you right after the procedure and could tell that your latch was different and deeper! You didn't pull off or scream either! The recovery was a little rough the first couple of days but you were still a different kid! So much happier! You were and still are eating SOO much better! I don't have anxiety anymore about taking you out in public. I would say 90% of the day you are happy which was not happening before the revision. I was sick of the nurses and drs telling me to switch you to formula or that you still had colic! I knew something wasn't right and I am so glad someone informed me of this issue and I followed my gut and got this fixed for you! I think you are up around 14lbs now! We are transitioning into 3-6mo clothing but you still fit into most of your 0-3mo outfits. We also just moved to size 2 diapers! You are getting rolls on your legs, finally! You have the cutest little chubby hands and feet! (Speaking of feet, you started sucking on your toes recently!) You also have crazy hair that has a mind of its own; a natural mohawk! It just wants to stick straight up :)

I just love you so much! You are a true joy to be around!

Love you forever, 

Mommy

Dear Lilah: Four Months

Dear Lilah,
This month has been a crazy one! You started laughing! Which is the best sound in the world! Especially after a long day... You still aren't rolling over on your own, you can with a little help (if we cross your legs you will roll from your back to tummy). You are not a fan of tummy time although you get your head and chest high off the ground! (Dr. V says you are definitely strong enough to roll over so it should happen any day now.) This month you started lighting up for daddy when he gets home from work and at times your prefer him to hold you over me. He has that special way you like to be held and I can't imitate it b/c you just scream when I try! So yay daddy! :) We have pretty much gotten you on a 3 nap/day schedule and most of them are in your crib. Although lately you have started to be very clingy and naps have been more of a struggle. So I spoil you and hold you or let you nap in the swing for the time being! We've just gotta make it through this wonder week(s) and hopefully we will go back to normal! Same goes for nighttime sleep. You were only waking up once a night to eat (3a) and now its several times. Again the wonder week is to blame I've been told. You have started putting everything in your mouth and using both hands to do so! You are discovering new things everyday! Including your feet! At first you would just stare in amazement now you are grabbing them all the time!! You continue to be an extreme chatterbox, "talking" and "singing" for hours at a time non-stop and no, I am not exaggerating! You are very entertaining! You also started pushing up to stand! You may be small but you very strong!

Earlier this month your medicine and/or my diet were helping you eat with little problems. But shortly before our appointment with the GI dr you started screaming and arching again. She upped your dosage again but its not working like we have hoped. I'm to continue with my diet until you are 6 months old, for now. Dr. V told us to start you on rice cereal to try and help with the reflux. We've tried it a couple times and its not going too well. You were diagnosed with eczema this past month as well and so we get to grease you up 2-3x a day with heavy lotion and we also had to cut bath time down to 1-2x a week. You have scratch marks all over your head and legs and I feel so bad that you itch :( I'm hoping it gets better very soon! At your 4 month appt you were 12lbs 1oz which puts you in the 10th percentile for weight. You were 24.5in long! You are still wearing 0-3/3 month clothing. Although you are starting to get too long for your footie jammies, so we may have to move to 3-6 month pjs soon!

Daddy and I are so amazed by you everyday and I am excited to see what this upcoming month brings!
We love you, baby girl!

xoxo
Mommy

Dear Lilah: Three Months

Dear Lilah,
So Mommy is a little late writing this letter to you this month! I'm sorry! You have kept me very busy, little girl :) We went to the doctor last week and you gained 24oz in 3 weeks! (compared to 3oz in almost 2 weeks earlier this month.) So you were 11lbs 13oz (13 percentile) last week!! Mommy has had to be on an extremely strict diet to try and help you with eating! I cant eat dairy, soy, eggs, or nuts, but it seems to be helping :) We also upped your dosage of Zantac and I think the combo is helping :) We go back to the GI dr in a couple weeks... we will see what she says! But I'm pretty confident we wont have to start you on formula!
This past month you have started to enjoy your play mat/gym and actually started grabbing as well as swatting the toys! Your favorite toy on your gym is Mr. Octopus :) he was the first toy you put in your mouth by yourself! You also giggled for the first time last week! I was playing peek-a-boo with you and when i popped up you giggled at me! It was the best sound I've ever heard! We are still trying to get you to repeat it.. I know it will happen again very soon :)  You are getting very strong and doing well during tummy time! I know you are going to roll over soon! You also started sleeping on your side a night!
We went to Champaign for Aunt Lauren's college graduation! You did pretty well :) You got to hang out with Great Aunt Rose and Great Uncle Mike!!
You are still waking up one or two times a night to eat, but for the most part nighttime is pretty under control! You have also decided that you do not like taking naps during the day!! Which is rough on me, but we get an occasional cat nap in there every now and then! This upcoming month, we are gunna try to get you on a schedule! I'm hoping that since you are eating better and gaining weight like a champ, that a normal schedule will be obtainable. You still nurse every 2-3 hours.
You have become a huge chatterbox! You make all kinds of sounds, mostly vowels, with some consonants . And you have discovered that you can get very loud with your "words". Its so cute :)
(You are still in 0-3/3mo clothing and size 1 diapers)
Overall you are a blessing and a joy to be around! I love you so much and I miss you like crazy when we are apart! (This includes bedtime ;))

Love you so much sweet baby girl, 

xoxo

Mommy

Dear Lilah: Two Months

Dear Lilah,
This month has been challenging for all of us. The colic phase hit around week 5. At this point you also started crying during mealtime... everyone kept telling us it was just the age for fussiness and gas. At your 2 month appointment, the doctor said you have reflux and we put you on Zantac. I'm still waiting for the medicine to kick in so you wont be in pain while you eat.
You started smiling and being a little more interactive with us! You love to "chitchat" with daddy on the changing table! We started a bedtime routine that you love! We started bath time, which always makes you smile :) And then we read you a couple books! We moved you into your nursery last week and you are doing great in your crib! You still wake up around 2:30a to eat but you sleep great in between feedings :)
   We went to Champaign for Easter! You got to meet my side of the family! Everyone was so excited to meet you :) A lot of our friends got to meet you as well!
   You are really trying to figure out your fingers and how to suck on them! You make funny sucking noises too :) You are starting to prefer your fingers to your paci... you are growing up so fast :)
  You are very active! You are kicking and moving your arms like crazy! You like to stand on our laps and be upright all the time! You need to be moving constantly and you LOVE music! The black keys- tighten up, seems to be your favorite song! It's the only one that calms you down when you are really upset.
At your appointment you weighed 10lbs 1.6oz, you were 22.5in long, and your head measured 14 3/4in around. You are in the 19% for weight and 50% for height! (you dropped from 29% last month for weight which is one of the reasons we started the medicine.)

I'm looking forward to the next month! I love watching you grow and develop! I love you so much!!

Love, Mommy

Dear Lilah: One Month

Dear Lilah,
One month down! And WOW did it fly by! It has been an amazing transition into parenthood! It has been full of anxiety, stress, sleepless nights, lots of laughter, projectile vomit and poop, loads and loads of laundry, many midnight calls to the nurse, and lots of love!
Around one week, you started sleeping through the night (in between feedings, which were about every 2-3hrs). We finally got your days and nights on track!! By 2 weeks you were holding your head up when I put you up on my shoulder and you were turning your head from side to side during tummy time. You seem to enjoy tummy time, at least in short increments.
At 2.5 weeks old, we took you on your first road trip to Lafayette, IN for Cousin Adrienne's wedding! You slept the whole way (besides feeding time), during the whole wedding, and reception! You met your Great Grandpap and Grandma Pozonsky! They were so excited to finally meet you!

Daddy stayed home with us until you were almost 2 weeks old. Grandma Paula came and stayed for a week and then Nonni came and stayed with us for a week! This has been my first week alone with you and so far we have been doing great and having fun! At your 1 month appointment you were 8lbs 8oz and 21 5/8in long and your head was 14 1/4in around. You are still in newborn clothing. You are long and skinny :) Doctors say you are gaining weight beautifully! We are not having anymore problems breastfeeding! Your favorite place to fall asleep is on my and daddy's chest! You love your swing and bouncy seat! At one month you are only waking up once a night (2-3a) to eat! I greatly appreciate the extra consecutive hours of sleep! You are overall a very content, happy, sweet baby girl :)
We have had a great first month and I am looking forward to what this upcoming month brings!

Love,
Mommy

How It Happened: Birth of Lilah Annette

Sorry this post has been delayed. Adjusting to life with a newborn has been rough, but wonderful :)
I wanted to write down what happened last week and how Lilah made her arrival (more for my sake).

I went to the doctor on Feb 18 (my due date and 40w) and they performed a non-stress test and an ultrasound to see how Lilah was doing since I was full term. On the NST I was contracting every 4-8mins. When I went in for the ultrasound, my amniotic fluid was VERY low. I didnt even see the doctor. They sent me straight to L&D. I of course had to go home and grab my bags and my husband, so we arrived in L&D about an hour or so after my appt. When we arrived, they checked me and I was 1/2cm dilated and maybe 25% effaced (very little was happening basically). They decided to insert a bulb into my cervix to manually dilate me to 3-4cm. It was around 2:15p when the induction started. (They insert the bulb inside the cervix and then fill it up with saline and wait until it opens enough to fall out.) They said it could take up to 12hrs. It was very uncomfortable and the cramps/contractions were awful. I could not get comfortable! About 3.5hrs later, the bulb fell out. When they checked me, I was only at 2cm. I was a little frustrated. I was contracting on my own every 4-5mins so they decided to let me contract and see if my body would naturally go into active labor before starting me on pitocin. It did not. So around 10pm they started me on pitocin. They started me off around 2cc and would go up as needed every 15min. The highest I got was 7cc and then they had to taper it down to 4 or 5cc b/c my body was contracting harder and more often then it needed to. I got the epidural around midnight because the pain was just to much and I knew it was going to be a long labor process. At that point I was still 2cm. They checked me again around 4:30am and I had progressed to 4-5cm and my water had broken on its own. Again at 7am and I was still at 4-5cm. During this time my epidural was not cooperating. The anesthesiologist came back in 2 or 3 times to give me an extra boost and it would only last a couple hours before I was in intense pain again. Around 10:30am the anesthesiologist decided we needed to redo the epidural since it was functioning properly. I was so thankful! The new one worked like a charm! They checked me again at 11am and I was fully dilated and 100% effaced! Lilah was only at a 0 station and she needed to be at a 2 before pushing could begin. They told me I needed to "labor down" until she dropped low enough into the birth canal. I made it to maybe a 1 before the urge to push was overwhelming, so they let me start pushing. it was around 12:10p when I actually started pushing. Almost 2hrs later, she made her debut at 1:58pm Tuesday afternoon! The NICU team had to be there because of the low fluid situation. So I didnt get to hold her right away. They checked her out, cleaned her off, and took her vitals. She was 7lbs 6oz and 20in long. She was perfect :)

She developed jaundice (levels were at a 8 at 2days old, went up to 11.2 by Friday morning). Her weight was down to 6lbs 9oz on Friday as well. We had to supplement some formula over the weekend to try and get her weight up and the poop coming! lol! On Monday morning her levels were down to 4.6 and she had gained 4oz! (The dr said they like to see a little less than an ounce a day of weight gain so she was doing FANTASTIC, 4oz in 3days!!) No more doctor visits or formula supplements!!! Everyone is excited about that! My milk came in Friday/Saturday so I think that had a huge impact on her weight gain. She hated the formula and we could barely get her to eat it.

Overall everyone is doing well and adjusting! We have had a few bad nights and a few great nights! We are thankful for the sleep we get whenever we get it! We could not be happier though! She is amazing and we are both head over heals in love with her!